A Year of Trust

How is it already May 2017?!

Am I the only one that’s freaking out about this? I mean, where in the world has this year already gone?? SLOW DOWN TIME.

Okay, okay, I’ll calm down.

But phew, a lot has happened between now and then, and I’m just trying to keep my head from spinning and getting lost in the rush.

Joshua and I celebrated our one-year anniversary in February. A WHOLE YEAR. Which is insane—I feel like we just got married a few months ago.

I quit my agency job and started a different job in a whole new industry. Because, hey, sometimes you just gotta pull the plug and start over. (But I’m still writing!)

Joshua and I started What About Marriage, our marriage podcast, which has been an absolute BLAST. (We're winding down season one to plan some exciting things over the summer for season two!)

I finally started Her Tea Talks to encourage women to be their best selves, a passion project I had long held dear and private in my heart.

Here's the thing...

...2016 was a tough year for me emotionally, spiritually, mentally, and socially, and I haven't quite found the courage to share that with you all. BUT, at the beginning of 2017, I just knew it was going to be a better year. And friends, I am standing here today waving my hands in the air to tell you that God is faithful. Truly, He is.

During the month of December, back in good ole 2016, I prayed that God would reveal to me His intent for my next year. I wanted to center my year on a word, and the word that came to mind after those weeks of reflection was trust. TRUST. Okay, God, I see you.

See, I’m naturally pessimistic. I expect and plan for the worst so that I’m never unprepared or majorly disappointed. The thought of letting go and just trusting was utterly terrifying and foreign to me. If I couldn’t control something, I lost my mind. But frankly, I had lost my mind for most of 2016, and I was deeply exhausted from losing my mind. 

At the back of my mind, a nagging thought kept poking at me telling me that no matter how pessimistic I was, how much I planned, how much I DIDN'T trust, there was (and continues to be) so little that I can actually control.

So I made a conscious decision to start the year trusting that God was still good, that He still had a plan for my life...even if none of my circumstances changed or none of my passions materialized into realities.

Rather than constantly trying to control my life, my future, my relationships, my everything, I wanted to learn what it meant to take “my” out of that equation and insert “God’s” instead...to view everything that I had as God’s, to get my butt off the apathetic couch and make a concentrated effort to pursue peace.

Friend, the past five months of pursuing peace have been messy and hard but also rewarding and life-changing.

Here’s the incredibly comforting (and sometimes confusing and painful) truth that I have decided to stake my life on: God’s goodness is not determined or affected by my circumstances, and I cannot do anything to dictate or earn His goodness—it just is, it just exists, it stands alone. In fact, everything and everyone in my life could be snatched from me, and still, STILL God is good. Still He desires and deserves the entirety of my devotion and worship.

So day by day, I’m trying to thank Him for what I have right now while trusting Him to continue crafting the story of my present and my future.